and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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