worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
