You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
