just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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