she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
