Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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