when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
