Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
