Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
