Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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