Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
