So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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