you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize