i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
