He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
