There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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