All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
