It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
