the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
