Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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