I am puke
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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