What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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