they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
