I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
