Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
