Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
