We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
