Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
