I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
