I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
