Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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