I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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