I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
