I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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