just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
