your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
