we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
