The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
