I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize