Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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