therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well most of my day revolves around power hour
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
