what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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