what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
