The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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