I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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