Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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