Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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