So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
