dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
