I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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