I bet he comes in French.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
did i just pee glitter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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