STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
