One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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