I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
