Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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