I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
