I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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