Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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