4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
