This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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