you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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