I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
