My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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