mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
