I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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