You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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