i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
