After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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